What are the DBT five?

Option 1: Solve the Problem

If there’s a problem to be solved, try to solve it. That may mean asking the person you’re dealing with to do something differently, or stop something that they’re already doing. DBT skills that might apply include DEAR MAN GIVE FAST, general problem solving skills, which emphasize the goal and creative thinking, or behavioral principles (rewarding behavior you want to see, discouraging behavior you don’t want to see).

Option 2: Change How You Feel About the Problem

Sometimes, we cannot solve the problem in the way that we want to. In that case, you can change how you feel about the situation so it doesn’t seem like such a problem! This can involve changing how you THINK about a problem (aka, what story are you telling yourself? is that true? is that a judgment?), or change how you are ACTING in response to that problem. DBT skills that might apply here are Check the Facts, Nonjudgmental Stance, or Opposite Action.

Option 3: Accept (or Tolerate) the Problem

When something cannot change, and the facts still cause us pain, we can focus on acceptance. Acceptance in DBT is not merely lip service: it is body, mind, and spirit. Some skills of acceptance can vary and are often situation-specific, and very personal. And of course, acceptance is not a one-and-done: it is a continual practice, and some truths are easier to accept than others. Also, related to acceptance, we can use some specific coping skills, like Self Soothe or deep breathing, to help us tolerate painful things as they are occurring.

Option 4: Stay Miserable

Obviously, we are not advocating for you to stay miserable. It is good to know, however, that this is always an option. Sometimes you need to throw a pity party (either in your head, by being stubborn, by venting over and over again to a friend), and that’s okay. It’s human! Often, we’re staying miserable because we don’t know what else to do, or it feels too effortful to try to change things.

Option 5: Make Things Worse

Here’s where we have a little fun. Again, we are NOT recommending that you do something to make a situation worse. It is simply us recognizing that this is a very human urge when someone won’t get out of our way. Also, including this as an option is our little reminder that sometimes, in acting on our urge to burn it all down, we can create another problem…and another…and another.

What about the DBT Skills?

Different DBT skills can apply for different elements of the DBT Five. If we have the opportunity, you’ll get a little DBT Skill Spotlight along the way! Otherwise, we direct you to comprehensive DBT therapy if it’s relevant, or various YouTube and other self-help DBT resources around.